Sex cruises for couples

Added: Vinson Morgenstern - Date: 15.01.2022 23:54 - Views: 11780 - Clicks: 2933

Sex cruises for couples

You may have heard of Desire Resorts from Original Group beforeā€¦a. Yeah, that one. I was on that ship. And guess what else? It was fucking amazing. The kinky ocean getaway set sail from Venice, Italy, in late September, and spent seven epic days bopping around the Adriatic, making stops in five "sensual" port cities in Italy, Croatia, and Slovenia, before dropping anchor in Venice once again.

And per Desire tradition, the ship was clothing-optional, super erotic, and very, very sex and alcohol-friendly. An absolutely nuclear combination, my friends. There were just so many sex cruises for couples people, raunchy theme nights, and horny middle-aged couples going at in public So, in essence, it was like a cruise on steroids.

And Viagra. It was crowded and loud, so I smiled politely at the staff and grabbed not one, but two glasses of champagne and hastily dumped one of them into my mouth. The second was my sip-glass that I intended to nurse for, like, an hour, but I ended up chugging that one, too. I opened the door to the deck, and lo and behold: Dicks. Not even half of the passengers had boarded the ship at that point, and there was already a nudist colony of at least 50 people gathered around the pool, ass naked. They literally wasted no time shedding their clothes despite it being something brisk degrees in autumnal Northern Italy.

And just so you know, as much as I would have loved to snap some pictures of the madness I was seeing around me to share with the world, photography was strictly prohibited in public areas of the ship. On the second night, the theme of the evening was "Sexy Superheroes," and I was sitting at a table near the pool bar, enjoying my fourth glass of wine, and there were a bunch of scantily clad couples smoking cigarettes near me.

One woman, who was dressed as a really slutty Wonder Woman, took a good look at my lobster-motif sweater, and wobbled over to me with her clear stripper heels, her cocktail sloshing around with each step. Why not??

Sex cruises for couples

I can't fit my tits in it," she whispered as she cupped her massive fake boobs and jiggled them around. I was drunk enough at that point that I didn't care. The dance floor was absolutely packed with drunk, middle-aged hedonists dressed as sexy versions of Wonder Woman, Cat Woman, Batman, Spider Man, Zorro, and pretty much every superhero you can think of.

Sex cruises for couples

Out of nowhere, an old man, probably ish years old, approached me. He was wearing a bedazzled fedora over his white hair, a red silk robe, and smoking slippers. You are magnificent. She was a goddess. A true goddess. Still is. But less The redhead? Close enough. He died this morning. I am Mr. Hugh Hefner. I LOVE dancing! I nodded, and he pulled me to the dance floor without skipping a beat. Well, I'll be fucked.

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If the world ever needs a something sex superhero, here he is. We found his girlfriend, who was also quite old, near the bar, hug-dancing and fingering an equally elderly woman dressed as a dominatrix, her saggy pancake titties totally exposed and drooping down to her belly button. Ah, the unmistakable appearance of the sexually frustrated. Without a single word, she wrapped her arms around his head and made out with him real sloppy. It was actually kind of gross.

Sex cruises for couples

Tongues everywhere. Who the hell is Eileen? Linda threw her hands up and grinded her hips against me. It was cute. Suddenly, the old dominatrix lady closed in on us, sandwiching me between Linda, and shouted something in German to her husband, who was dancing by himself nearby.

The Hugh Hefner guy handed me his business card as I was backing away towards the exit, gave me a high-five with one hand, a simultaneous smack on the ass with the other, and concluded with a wink. He knows how to have a good time. On my way out of the disco, Sex cruises for couples took a quick peek into the "Play Room," which was the official deated sex area of the ship, and saw one couple ing, another engaged in a strange take on missionary, another going at it doggy style, and one lonesome man jerking off to porn that was playing on a giant screen.

I was no longer fazed by any of this, so I just walked out without a second glance, went to my room, and went to sleep. That was enough excitement for one night. The next day was my birthday, so naturally, I spent the entire afternoon day-drinking in Zadar, Croatia, to celebrate successfully completing another year on earth. By the time I got back to the ship, it was in the evening, I was approximately 60 percent fucked up, and I was so ready to see what this sex cruise had to offer tonight.

I must have knocked out for a toasty evening nap for a little while, because the next thing I knew, it wasit was dark out, deep house music was blasting, the ship was speeding along sex cruises for couples open waters An orgy! There must have been 10 people in that hot tub, and in the ultimate act of teamwork, 4 of them had linked arms to make a human bed in the water for a woman who was being eaten out by some dude who looked like a Backstreet Boy, while another, voluptuous woman looked on and coached them, like a ringleader.

A few minutes later, the lady had a loud orgasm, hopped off her human bed, gently kissed the Backstreet Boy on the forehead, and was replaced by a different woman, who the Backstreet Boy proceeded to eat out as well. That's not something you see every day. Between mouthfuls of steak, I spotted a middle-aged man with his shirt unbuttoned, eyes half closed, a chain hanging off his nipples. An attractive woman in a totally sheer dress was standing behind him, tugging the chains, and both of them were completely oblivious to the fact that they were at dinner with some people on the pool deck of an ocean liner.

No big deal, right?

Sex cruises for couples

But after everything I had seen throughout the week, this was nothing. Before boarding the ship for this epic week-long sexcation, I wasn't super sure what it'd be like, since this was Desire's first cruise ever. But I knew for sure it'd be a good time, considering it's a goddamn sex cruise. How can something like that ever be bad? And like I said before, it was legendary. Absolutely incredible.

If you want to experience the ineffable joy of going on a sex cruise and then telling your friends about it, Desire's Barcelona cruise is coming up in April, so you better book fast. Maxim Marketplace. Maxim Cover Girl. Home Maxim Man. By Brandon Friederich. By Jared Paul Stern. By Maxim Staff. By Steve Huff. By Maxim Video.

Sex cruises for couples

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