Service top bdsm

Added: Curtiss Nunley - Date: 24.01.2022 18:36 - Views: 23043 - Clicks: 7532

Service top and topping from the bottom are two terms many in the kink community know, but few fully understand.

Service top bdsm

These words have come to take on meaning that has negative connotations and service top bdsm forcing people into uncomfortable roles that could be damaging consent. So I thought about it long and hard. I have always been service top bdsm involved in service my entire life. I was a long time volunteer in high school, a counselor at summer camp, and had always tutored those that needed it for free.

In college, I taught life skills classes to special needs kids as a volunteer because it was the right thing for me to do — not for credit or money, it was just right. Many of the men in my family also ed military service, myself included. I decided to the Air Force as a medic. I figured if I was ever going to change roles, I would need to know what things felt like before I could do them to other people.

I like women. She ran her house like a tyrant, slapped her husband and kids and me! She also had tiny feet and hundreds of shoes. She reminded me of one of the women you would see in the adult BDSM comics of the 50s and 60s who bossed men around, yet she looked uber feminine. I decided to reconnect with the feeling she gave me by organizing parties where I would serve around 8 to 10 women and their feet. It was very ritualistic for me. I had fancy organic foot scrubs, pedicure equipment, invigorating foot lotion, toenail polish kit, etc.

In my spare time, I started studying about pressure points in feet to become a better servant and rock star foot masseuse. I was very obsessive and compulsive about my kink and became incredibly bossy. I would start with one woman, a pro-domme, by scrubbing and washing her feet.

Then, I'd move on to the pedicure, applying lotion and finally massaging her feet. Often, in the middle of the process, as pro-dommes do, she would do something other than what I wanted.

Service top bdsm

This totally shocked her. I was not intentionally rude about it, but she had interrupted my perfect zen flow of service. I was pissed. I was told by many people wiser and more experienced than me that this was service top bdsm. This is my life I will top my way. Now, after you've heard my own storythink about yourself.

No matter how much, or how little experience you have, reflect on what channeled your path to the place you have chosen in kink today. Maybe you started out as a bottom, too, but now you are a top. Like me, all these experiences formed who you are, how you play, and who you play with. This area of BDSM theory is vastly under-researched. So, I decided to research it myself. Although I'm not an academic, nor am I a psychologist, I was determined.

Hey, I am a smart guy. I belonged to Mensa. I'm educated and I'm a writer. I can do this! In some circles of the BDSM communitythese phrases are also considered curse words. Being told what to do during a scene by the bottom can be considered having a weak will by some. This can be seen as uppity or bratty, especially by some pro-dommes.

Enforcing your definition of a role onto another person is a dangerous thing, because it threatens their consent. Someone new to the scene is not service top bdsm fully consenting. However, they are responding to what they are being told no matter what role they pick. The overall category of the "top" in a scene consists of three parts that fall along a spectrum:. All people who identify as a top can fit comfortably somewhere within that spectrum.

I thought long and hard about how to explain this theory. Another Eureka moment! Safe words! Safe words are the best way to express this concept as a practical example. A safe word is a word, or words, used by the passive participant, or bottom, to stop play because something feels physically or mentally wrong.

A dominant obeys and stops the scene when a safe word is called because that is the agreed upon protocol. Perhaps you are a daddy-dom who is one part service top and one part sadist. Or, maybe you are a rope top that is purely a dominant.

Service top bdsm

Take time to think about your style of play and this will help you find out a bit more about yourself. The overall category of the "bottom" describes the passive partner the person that has things done to them in a BDSM scene. They also fall along a three-part spectrum:. A masochist most likely won't want a safe word. A submissive will use a safe word when truly appropriate. Instead, they tell the top when to stop, but in a passive way they expect to be heard and followed. I gave a lecture on this subject at a recent munch a public networking event for people who are kinky or kink-curious at Munchzilla in Chicago.

Where do I fit in? This was a perfect example! A brat is one part masochist and one part top from the bottom, but rarely service top bdsm a submissive at all. There is no one true way to fulfill a role.

You just change shape over time. This does not make me weak, it is simply who I am — service top with sadistic and dominant tendencies. This article was originally published at SunnyMegatron. Reprinted with permission from the author. in. YourTango Experts. Photo: weheartit. Ken Melvoin-Berg. Subscribe to our newsletter. now for YourTango's trending articlestop expert advice and personal horoscopes delivered straight to your inbox each morning.

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Service top bdsm

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Service Tops, Bratty Bottoms and Pillow Princesses: Other Words You Use to Describe How You Have Sex